Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
