I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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