i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
