If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
