I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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