Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
