After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
