can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Randomize
