his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
