PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
