Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's never too late to be topless.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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