The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
3 2 1 whiskey
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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