it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
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just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
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Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?