And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah