soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in