my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.