So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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