You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Randomize