Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
North Korea, Best Korea!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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