ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
