hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Randomize
