Screwed.edu
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
