we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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