well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
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There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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