God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
