I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, itβs that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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