I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
