chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How external is "for external use only"?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
