you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
