Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
