I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
