try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
