I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
