Yo dont text me then not text me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
