I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
