mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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