I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
