her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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