The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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