My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
