Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
