Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just had sex on a roof
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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