We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
