so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
