What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
