I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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