like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.