I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
