Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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