Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
