just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
