This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
