Already got asked if we're dating
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
