I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
