Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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