mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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