i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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