Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
