Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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