Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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