I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
