So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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