it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
