:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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