are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
MIDGETS
????
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
