Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.