FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.