I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think even the taco bell employees judged me