Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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