Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So vagazzling was a success
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
