i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
