I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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