3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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