I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
