This is not my ceiling
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
