You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
